Take this desire, Lord...

Tonight, I went to a woman's conference at my church, and listened to a message by John Piper about not being a wimpy woman with wimpy theology. As much as I agree with him about having a clear idea as my role as a woman, I struggled with his view of singleness.

He gave three clear reasons why single women are called to a purpose. A calling, really. And while I understand that being called to being single is truly a path chosen for some people, I couldn't help but just feel a knot in my throat as he spoke.

My thoughts went to all my dreams and desires to be married I've had since I was a little girl. I remember having my wedding planned at age 8. My dream wedding dress picked out by the time I was 13. I know the flowers, the time of year, the place.

It's hard - so hard - to give up those plans and dreams for my future. As far as I know, God may have this single season be permanent, and that's a hard reality to accept, let alone embrace.

So, I ask God to please, please take away this overwhelming desire to be married, to have a family, to have a husband. Because hoping hurts. Having this feeling in my life that something is missing brings me to tears.

I don't understand the single season, or the reasons behind it, and why God gave me a desire for marriage. But, I know that God chose this for my life. He knew my future before I was even conceived. I do know that I believe in a sovereign God, and that's all that matters.