It takes so little...

It takes hundreds of pounds of pressure to crush a human body. I've learned that from watching endless hours of cop shows, science shows, you name it, on television. But what they don't show you is that a single diamond on another girl's finger, is enough to crush your heart.
Every time I see an engagement ring pop up these days, I go through a huge emotional turmoil, it seems. Jealousy, envy, sadness, anger. They're all there.
I cry out to God each time. "Really? Again? Is this some type of joke? You expect me to be happy for them? "
That was last week, when another one of my friends became engaged. And then another started dating. And then another just went on a date. Each time it just reminds me that there is a part of life that has seem to elude me for the past five years. I've not dated anyone, been asked out.
While I know that this is part of some grandiose plan that I don't see, and probably won't understand, part of me just wants to be normal. To share in the joy of relationship on a human level, in addition to the religious level.
I know I sound bitter, angry, envious...and those are attractive traits, I just feel a little bit lost, and a little bit cheated. And while I'm trying with all my heart to see God's perspective, my human emotions run high and my heart is hurt.
So I pray that God will teach me through this. That our bond will become unbreakable with each new hurt.
God I hurt. Please heal me.